Addiction Recovery in Lockdown: Reflections on an Interview with Ahmed Atalla
Locked down: Disconnection brings the potential to return to damaging habits of thinking, feeling and behaving.
The following are some reflections on an interview I conducted earlier this year with Ahmed Attalla, a highly qualified counsellor and recovering addict who now works at a rehabilitation center in Thailand to help others recover from their addiction. You can listen to the full interview here. In the tradition of addiction recovery, Ahmed offers his experience, strength and hope in abundance, being both vulnerable and wise in what he has to say about recovery in general, and recovery during the pandemic in particular.
Firstly, some context: although Ahmed and I had intended to conduct this interview for a while we eventually spoke in May, with lockdown in full effect, and as such it features heavily in our discussion. Since the COVID-19 pandemic and the measures implemented to deal with it are continuing and show no sign of changing soon, what we discussed remains very much relevant.
Life already presents a recovering addict with plenty of challenges when the world is going along as normal. Now and for the past 6 months or so, COVID-19 and lockdown has acted like an earthquake, shifting and breaking apart the familiar landscape of our world and making it much harder to navigate for everyone. For addicts, whose recovery from their affliction often requires a bedrock of structured routine and regular connection with others, topics Ahmed and I reflect upon here, lockdown has the potential to be particularly problematic. Routines have been upended, and opportunities for genuine connection removed or greatly restricted. Mere disruption could of course be much more like disaster - perhaps there has been the illness or death of loved ones, loss of jobs and security, and so on. In the face of the profound insecurity and lack of hope provoked by these events, the soothing comfort that the drink, drug or behaviour provides looks more and more appealing.
Ahmed is open, honest and vulnerable in this interview. It was humbling to hear him speak of his experiences, and to learn how radically his life has changed due to the commitment he has shown to his recovery. Several years into this new way of life, the arrival of COVID-19 and lockdown clearly shook him. Rather than becoming overwhelmed, reacting and fleeing into familiar and potentially harmful ways of behaving, Ahmed acknowledged and responded to this new situation. He thought about what he needed to do to take care of himself. This is the courage an addict in recovery needs - not to flee from fear and pain, but to face and somehow use these experiences as fuel for a different life. There’s movement here from the closed-down familiar repetition of addiction to the openness of recovery. The familiarity of addicted action has the illusion of safety, soothing difficult feelings and taking the individual away to a different place. Yet the escape is fleeting, and not only fails to deal with the real problem, but shuts down any potential for growth and fulfilment. Ahmed shows how adversity can not only be dealt with, but used to live more fully if acknowledged and understood.
Ahmed and I talk here about some of the cornerstones of recovery from addiction, which flow from the taking of a decision to really change. Let’s be honest, this is hard. No-one, addict or otherwise, wants to engage in the kind of fundamental change we’re talking about. Addiction is a way of life: a multitude of interlinked actions, flowing from thoughts and feelings underpinned by a host of beliefs about the world, the self and others. Over time, the individual becomes an addict, an identity that recovery will challenge and eventually have to overhaul. Such change requires no small amount of courage, as it’s nothing less than my Self that’s at risk. Recovery will mean giving up deeply held beliefs about who I am, who you are, what’s possible for me, and so on; it is a new way of life, the rewards of which require going through a degree of pain as the transition takes place.
It is supporting the individual through this difficult transition where 12-Step fellowships can be particularly effective, and they do this in a range of ways. As an example, in our discussion Ahmed and I touch on the role of commitments in 12-Step. Commitments are positions of service within the fellowship, voluntary roles where recovering addicts can take on some responsibility and learn new ways of being, including potentially new skills. There are all sorts of roles within the fellowships that need to be filled in order for the meetings to function: rooms need to be hired and set up, meetings need to be chaired and run, literature to be sold, etc.. The benefits of these roles are often hidden. For instance, given the grandiosity addicts often display, the humility of making tea and coffee for those attending the meeting can be an essential part of connecting with others and realising that we are equal.
Ahmed also discusses the addiction recovery workbook he has written, which picks up on how addiction intersects with other mental health difficulties such as anxiety and depression. Where is the dividing line, if it even exists? Perhaps I’m only anxious because of the effects of alcohol, or perhaps I drink in part to quell the impact of anxiety I already feel. Am I depressed because of the consequences of my drug use, or does my drug use help me deal with my depression? It is often hard to say. Addiction is typically a way of coping with difficulties in living that then produces adverse consequences of its own. In this way it is not unlike other coping strategies, such as OCD, or self-harm, or even some of the ways of thinking and behaving that underpin anxiety disorders. With many of these issues there is a core problem or difficulty that the behaviour and/or thought patterns are seeking to address. Therefore, giving up the coping strategy will only be possible if the core issue can also be dealt with. The individual must feel safe enough to finally relinquish the only thing that has helped them cope up to that point - again, we return to the need for courage.
The foregoing touches on only some of the points Ahmed and I discuss; please do listen to the conversation itself to know more. Again, Ahmed’s willingness to be open about his struggles, and how he faces them, is inspiring to listen to and a testament to how much positive change has come about from his engagement with a programme of recovery. I very much hope you’re able to take something from what he has to say.
Click here to hear the full interview
Alexander Morriss, UKCP Psychotherapist